At first it was hard. I had come to hate and dread everytime Ammamma came home. Then I realised there was no escaping. I had to sit down. Say a prayer, and begin. She tells me I was a difficult student, I still believe I am. I wish I could remmeber those days...I was barely three..I knew the sapta swaras before I knew many of my cousins, before I knew how to read and write Telugu.
Ammamma yelling at me, and saying "Sruthi chudu, Sruthi chudu!" (watch the pitch), well that is my first ever memory of her. Then slowly as time passed, I started liking it. I remember the first time, I think I was in class 1 or so, oneday I randomly tell Ben, Hey I wanna sit and practise, what I learnt on Sunday. I could see she was positively elated.
My first ever formal music class, I already knew a lot of things they teach you at first. My new music teacher ( who thankfully is my grans friend) asked me to sing all the saralis, the jantas and the alankaras. Well, I did it. From the next week began my formal training. Mondays and Wednesdays. Eight days a month. Practise everyday, without fail from 5 am to 6 am. No excuses.
Yes, I used to get up at five to sing. This was my undisturbed routine everyday for the next 11 years. Yes. There were times I used to hate it. No excuses, my grandmom used to make sure I used to sing. There were times when I used to pretend to be sick, because I used to be sick of singing. I remember that phase in class 7 . I had soo much work then with all the swimming, the school, and music. It was not as if I hated music, I loved it. I just needed some change. I used to think being able to sing what MS can sing is uncool, that was the phase when guitar was cool, and Veena was for losers. Avril was in and Bombay Sisters were out. I used to beat myself up for knowing Carnatic Music.
That's where Lin came into the picture, that's where dad came into the picture, and that's where singing the songs I listen to, and listening to the songs I sing also came into the picture. I used to take time off to listen to MS, yes I had heard her earlier, but now it was different. It was alomost as if I could understand what she was singing, it was as if the swaras were speaking to me, as if each of them had a new and different story to narrate.
I discovered a whole new world of Carnatic Music.And what a world that is! MS evidently became my idol..She was perfect in everyway, what a voice! What control, well my only wish is/was/will be is to be able to render Bhavaiyami Raghuramam the way she does. I started enjoying myself, I began to slowly fall in love with Carnatic music, the ragams ,the thalams, sruthi, laya, keerthanas, krithis, and just the whole devotion I see in my teacher, my grandmother.
I was not alone thankfully, I was not the only culturally confused girl in my class, who used to have a copy of THE MODERN ROCK ALBUM, and liked listening to Denver, and ABBA. Meet Pallavi, my best friend and my fellow tortured soul in my music class. Thankfully my teacher was not the kind who says "Ingliss sangs are baad", never, she believed that every music is divine in it's own way. I remember the many times Pallu and I used to sit in that room upstairs listening to our ipods, while waiting for our turn to sing infront of our teacher. Or the time when we introduced Laxmi teacher to Avril. She liked it. Infact, she even tried singing like her.Camplicated!
I took a few exams, sang at a few temples, gave a few concerts, won a few competitions, but none of those even compare to the satisfaction you get, when you sit down and cross your legs,and hum a nice alapana in NATA, or a keerthana in Malayamarutha ragam. Sadly, I had to leave home, leave classes afer 12th when I got into NLU. I did not miss it initially, I was actually kinda glad that no more practice, no more of Mondays and Wednesdays.
Time passed slowly, then came the cultural week in the college, I did not sing. No. I did not. That evening at the singing event I saw a few of my classmates sing. I burned inside. I did nt realise how much I loved to sing, or how much I missed it till then, until that pristine moment. Then I vowed to myself I'd sing.
A year later, in the culturals I sang. Ok, not Carnatic, but yes I sang. I had a whale of a time. Slowly came Republic day, and this time it was 'Vatapi Ganapathim Bhaje" infront of the whole college, in that golden saree which Ben gave Ammamma. I was even holding Ben's striped clutch! It was a momentous occasion, at least to me. It was a special feeling, an undecribable one, ot be able to share what has been so special to me throuought my life, with the whole college.
I just wanted to say I apologise for all the times I wanted to make myself hate it, and all the little times when I refused to practise, and all the times Pallu and I used to bunk classes and come up with lame reasons like test the next day, or run off to movies in the class times. I am so sorry ammamma. I never realised what you meant when you used to say, it will help you in the future, it will help you relax, I dint realise how true she was. Thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, helping me, showing me how I cannot keep myself away from it, after all it's in me, much like the genetic code in Heroes, this is embedded in my blood. Thank You for that. Most of all I know you will believe in me.
I have realised now, that listening to NATA, or Malayamarutham can lighten my mood instantly, and Kalyani can make me feel less homesick, and "Sudhamayi" makes me think of my friends and teh good times back home.So, it is true Carnatic music and beer have the same effect on me :). It is most definetly one of the best things that happened to me in my life.
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