The Revenant, Mr.DiCaprio and one Academy Award.

Last Monday morning (India Time) a beaming Julianne Moore put a million fans , sitting on the edge of their seats (not me obviously, cause it was Monday morning and I was in Court) , all over the world, out of their misery when she presented the Oscar to Leonardo DiCaprio. It was an epic moment which was almost 12 years in the making and it reduced the world into a sobbing proud mess, just like Leo's darling BFF, Kate Winslet. Well about time, I say, cause this "LEO DESERVES AN OSCAR" mania reached its peak this year, and we all know about the little Android (?) game that was doing the rounds in the weeks preceding the Academy Awards. 

Most girls my age in India were introduced to "Jack", a long time ago in the James Cameron epic, Titanic. From then on, I made it my mission in life to try and watch as many of his movies as possible, and I must say I was not disappointed. Whether it was Jack, or King Louis XIV, or Frank Abagnale Jr. or Howard Hughes (which earned him his first Oscar nomination), he lived and breathed every role and made it all extremely believable. I suppose with him, its always been 200% every role, and every movie. 

Then came 2006, the year DiCaprio showed everyone he can act in two very different movies and also master two extremely different accents in The Departed and Blood Diamond. Yup, let me start gushing about Blood Diamond, believe me, I cant ever stop raving about that movie. Leo played the role of Danny Archer a cut throat mercenary who in the end gets a change of heart and ultimately helps a fisherman reunite with his family. His performance left me sobbing at the end, when he says, "I am exactly where I am supposed to be". I also almost sobbed when he dint win the Oscar that following year, but I must admit Phillip Seymour Hoffman deserved it for his scintillating performance in Capote. 

 

 So when he finally won the Academy Award on Monday I resolved to go watch the Revenant and come home and write out a post dedicated to Leo. However, after the movie, I realised that writing about Leo and not writing about the movie would leave this post incomplete. The Revenant is a gripping tale of revenge, it is a tale of what happens when one man decides to brave all that nature has to throw at him and almost come back from the dead to avenge his son's death. It's intriguing, its primal, and it shows man at one with nature, and the lengths one man would go to just survive. The movie is not for everyone. It's one of those movies where you'll either love or completely hate. 

The story, the locales and the acting are brilliant. Alejandro G. Iñárritu who directed last year's Birdman gave us an epic, man vs. nature, thoroughly captivating trip. Kudos for that, and he deserved all the Awards he picked up.

Tom Hardy deserves a pat on his back for the wonderful potrayal of John Fitzgerald. He was the perfect anti-hero to Leo's bear fighting Hugh Glass. Will Poulter (that stuck up kid from the last Narnia movie) provided great support to the leading cast in his supporting yet, extremely crucial role of Bridger.

Leo deserves this year’s Academy Award not for braving the cold temperatures, not for eating raw Bison liver, not for sleeping inside an animal carcass, not for sitting through hours of make- up everyday, but for the sheer grit, determination and passion with which he became Hugh Glass. His eyes reflected the anguish a parent suffers when their child is murdered in front of their eyes while they lie helplessly unable to do anything. He, practically, rose from the dead, like a revenant, to avenge his son's death, with only his dead wife's memories hauntingly egging him on. This powerful story needed telling and I am glad it was told. Also a special Honorable Mention here goes to the Bear, my dear, you were magnificent, truly magnificent, and also DiCaprio and Hardy's Beards.

Watch this movie only if you are absolutely sure that you can stomach it. It is rated A for a reason, and the reason is not 'sexual' at all. 

I give this movie a 4/5. 

And finally, OMG OMG OMG Leo won!! 

Come on internet, next up we have one Mr.Depp (who was nominated this year for Blackmass, an amazing watch btw) and one Mr.Cruise.

Fitoor : Movie Review

                 
             I am actually happy that they warn you before the movie itself begins. Yes, for the unaware, this movie is an "adaptation of Great Expectations". For the uninitiated, this is that very same book you were made to read in Class 7, chapter by chapter, with a hope that in a class of 25 at least 5 will actually begin to "appreciate Classics". There's Pip, there's Estella and my all time favorite jilted bride turned manipulative bitch, Miss Havisham and there's Miss Havisham's wedding dress! For me atleast, after class 7 and this book, I learnt a fancy new word - bildungsroman, and discovered the magic of "To Kill a Mocking Bird", and as cliched as it may seem, became a Lawyer.

            Fast forward 14 years, and in 2016, the first thing I hear about Fitoor, is the great "55 Lakh Rupees Hair" Controversy, when I was listening to the radio in a friends car. Wait what! 55 lakhs? really? for hair dye? woah! Isse acha Godrej le ata! Well done, Kat. That's why I guess my friends and I found a bit too much of red in the movie, her red hair, red clothes, his red paint. The promos included Pashmina choreographed in a style akin to a very famous Ed Sheeran song, really? Come on, man.

             Set in a picturesque Kashmir, a weirdly artsy Delhi full of emotional, sentimental and kind people (Where, bro?) and a cliched London with black town cars and red phone booths, this movie is a visual treat. Obviously it is a visual treat, I mean when you take two pretty faces and put them in a movie with a lot of pretty scenery, that's all you will get. It's almost as if the locales were chosen hoping to take the attention away from Katrina's blank face, Kapoor's dull acting and the zero chemistry between them. Even the kissing scenes looked boring.

               Tabu, is, inevitably the saving grace of the movie. It's almost as if she has perfected the art of playing the Kashmiri begum. For the Dickens loyalists, there is no Havisham in her, nope and definitely, no unchanged wedding dress. All this and the heavy Kashmiri clothing, and bad eye makeup do not effect the sheer brilliance of her acting. Lara Dutta and Aditi Rao Hydari try to do justice to their limited roles.

               The narrative is dull and boring. The final act of the movie, as opposed to the novel, only falls flat on the audience's faces. It's almost as if everyone were looking forward to pack up and leave. The dialogues are uselessly heavy, almost as if words were used just for the sake of using fancy words. The music is sublime and suits the stunning visuals. Another example where its clearly been proven that visual aesthetics and pretty main pairing, aand Aditya Roy Kapoor's abs cannot cover a limp storyline and uselessly heavy dialogues.

             Watch this movie for Tabu, the locations and the sets, and maybe the music. I give it a 3 on 5.  

Where do they shoot these videos in India?

        What do Major Lazer's Lean On, Iggy Azalea's Bounce and Coldplay's Hymn for the Weekend have in common? Well they all have videos that are shot in India. But honestly speaking, what India were they shot in? No, really. Tell me which one of us has seen Sadhus with long Orange sashes flying behind them? or which one of us rides an Elephant to work everyday? Sorry Iggy.

Everyone one of these videos has been shot in this country, yes, but do they really have to crank up the colours so much? It hurts my eyes, really. For all the Non Indians out there reading my post, no we do not wear only bright colours, clothing choices in pastel are a thing here, do not be fooled by these videos. Another thing, we don't have Sadhus (those bearded holy men) sitting in every street corner, just staring at people passing by, nor do you find elephants on the road, well, mostly.

Dancing in front of tree temples or any temples, especially with Sadhus is strictly frowned upon, especially if you are a foreigner, the people there will either complain to the Police or just take justice into their hands and beat the shit out of you, and next thing you know there will be a mob of BJP/VHP people, and that video you shot here, and all of your music will be BANNED in India. Yeah, banning is a thing here. Our Government can ban anything. Trust me, you dont want to face our Courts, nor do you want to face one Mr.Goswami. I promise you, he'll get to you, before any authorities.

Queen Bee's cleavage would have never even made it to the screen here in India cause our friends in the Censor Board would have cut it off, definitely. Yes, the same Censor Board who are now letting Mastizaade release. Forget all of that, Mr.Martin, whatever gave you the idea that we Indians watch movies in old fashioned Cinemas anymore? Oh no, we only go to multiplexes over the weekend. I promise. And also, no Holi and Diwali are not the only festivals we celebrate here, but I guess malnourished children running around throwing colors at each other has more appeal than just random kites flying in the sky. But hey, what do I know? However, the kids in the new Coldplay video are locking and popping away to glory so I guess, they have access to some kind of TV.

Lastly, our public transport does not have colourful interiors, how much ever I want it to. I love the bus in Lean On, and the taxis in the new Coldplay video. I really wish we had public transport with colourful interiors.

Don't get me wrong, I love the songs, and to a great extent I even love the videos, but isn't it time for the Western world to actually see that India is much more than, Orange clad holy men, gold clad elephants, and dancing kids. This "partying in poverty" (nope, not my term I read it off the Internet) thing is getting boring. It could possibly be also creating a wrong motive for people to come travel to India. No, we are really not as interesting as  the videos and the movies make us out to be, we travel in Uber, we drink Coffee every morning, and we most certainly do not ride elephants to work everyday! I like that the entire world's attention is on India and all, but I only hope that the world will finally know India is more than, puppets, vibrant colours and white peacocks!

Ps : Kids in my country do not know about periscope. You can ask a few people.
P.P.S - I also LOVE Chris Martin!!